Two more days until we go on our family holiday. Our own villa and pool for one whole week in the sun. I cannot wait. However, I’ll be honest, I’m feeling nervous. I keep telling myself that this time away will be great without alcohol! But I’ve never had a holiday in the sun without booze before. I don’t want to drink but I am worried this will be my biggest trigger yet.
I wanted to write about what’s good at the moment. Get some things on paper so to speak. So I can look back at my journey and see the good things, as well as the struggles.
On Day 24 I wrote a post called ‘Grateful’ and it makes me smile when I read it. However, there is so much more to be grateful for and many reasons why being sober rules!
I love all my soberverse friends out there. Finding people from all over the world, going through the same experiences as myself is amazing. and having that connection is just what I need. I’m finding myself spending more and more time, submerging myself into this world. Blogging, commenting, reading and listening. I think I’m spending so much of my spare time in this world because I don’t have any ‘real’ sober friends to talk to. Or perhaps I just don’t feel ready to talk to anyone about my drinking problem who hasn’t got some sort of understanding of what I’m going through.
As we enter into the weekend, I want to get a few things off my chest. Nothing major, quite the opposite.
Do I drink AF beer? It is alcohol free (AF) but for some reason, this time round, I have avoided buying/drinking AF beer. I prefer just to have a juice or my favourite, cranberry, lime and soda. So why am I thinking about it? I don’t know. I’ve never been a beer drinker; I am definitely a wine lover. The AF wine does nothing for me. Mainly because it is too sweet and not like a dry chardonnay at all. However, I do think the AF beer (like Becks Blue) does taste like beer.
I’m still here and I’m still sober.
Today has been difficult. Work has been very stressful today. Instead of downing tools when the kids came home, like I usually do. I got fixated on finishing my job. I don’t know why, it just felt like I had to get it finished before I could relax. So, all evening between kids homework, cooking dinner and various bedtime’s, I have been dashing off to do a little bit more work.
I’ve just arrived home after a lovely lunch out with the girls for a friend’s birthday. I took the car and was very proud that I managed to park in the centre of town. Definitely a sober perk, being able to drive myself everywhere.
I was nervous that people would notice that I wasn’t drinking and that I would get a barrage of questions. (these girls all like their wine) I found most people were not bothered. Some asked why I wasn’t drinking and I said I was driving and there was no follow-up questions. Others, just didn’t notice at all. Well, apart from one, there is always one!
Hubby removed the bottle of Prosecco from the house. I was surprised it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would.
I could probably have kept it in the cupboard until I could pass it on to someone else, but let’s face it, anything to keep life simpler. We should never tempt fate when it concerns alcohol. One bad day and that bottle could start talking to me.
Yesterday I received a belated birthday present. A lovely bottle of Prosecco! I honestly didn’t know what to say. I graciously thanked them and put it out of sight. It’s made me realise that since beginning this journey of sobriety, concentrating and obsessing over not drinking, I’ve been doing it very privately.
Only a handful of people know I’m not drinking and they have only been told that I’m not drinking, for now. No real reason has been given, apart from, it doesn’t agree with me anymore and I’m sick of dealing with the hangovers. Only hubby knows the real reason. (My complete lack of control of alcohol and how hard it has been giving up.) Continue reading “My Private Sobriety – Day 32”
I am, and have been, in a bit of a funk these past 2 days. Which is a bit ironic after writing my super determined and optimistic last post. Work and family life have been quiet and that has given me the opportunity to read and blog more. This has definitely helped me, thank you my sober blogging friends :-).
I came across an article about PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) the other day and have been reading up on it.
I think time is passing quicker now, compared to Day 1. I know it is still early days but right back at the beginning, the days definitely past slower. It felt like I’d been alcohol free for ages, then I’d realise, I was only on Day 5. I’d think – Surely, I’ve got my days wrong. I’ve been good for so long. How is it only Day 5?!
Now on Day 27, time has shifted a bit. It has sped up. I’m gaining some AF (Alcohol Free) momentum.