I have been meaning to post something for the past two weeks. I vowed I’d get back into blogging once the kids went back to school and normality resumed. However, every time I get the chance to write something, I start to over think it. I ask myself, Is it such a big deal? Am I that bothered anymore? Every time I go to write and get something off my chest, the thing I was going to write about just doesn’t seem important anymore. Well it’s just dawned on me that this is probably a good thing. It shows that I must be dealing with stuff and coping without the need to blog about it every two minutes, right? Well that’s the spin I’m going to put on it.
I know there are many of us who eat a lot of chocolate/sugar when we quit drinking. I was no different. Munching through several chocolate biscuits and pinching the kids Haribos throughout the day is the norm. On an evening, I’d pig out on Maltesers or other chocolate. (I’d always have something to hand). I didn’t mind. I was happy to do anything to keep the cravings at bay and it worked!
Well I have made more of an effort this week with catching up and reading blogs. It has helped. The cravings, which were starting to become daily have calmed down and I just feel stronger in my sobriety again.
This week I have learned that I need to just go with the flow a bit more. I love to plan and I don’t like it when my plans are changed. For example. The other day I planned a nice family dinner followed by a family movie night. However, part way through the day we were invited to a BBQ. My first reaction was “I’m not going”. Imagine proper stroppy teenager face. Needless to say, we went and it was fun, we even did our movie night the following day so win win. So why was my instinctive reaction to say No?
I’m still here and still sober but I have found it extremely difficult to post or even read any blogs since the kids broke up for their summer holidays. Routines are well and truly out the window. At first, I loved the freedom of the holidays and not thinking too much about the Soberverse or my blog. However, over the past few days I have missed it and I think I need it. I feel on edge sometimes. I don’t want to drink and I’m not going to, but I feel off balance.
Life after 100 days is pretty good. There have been no fireworks or ‘Aha’ moments. Just more relaxed. Getting ready to write today I realised I didn’t know what day I was on. That was a first for me as I ALWAYS know what day I am on! I have obsessively aimed towards all my milestones. 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 60 days, 90 days and eventually to 100 days! The main difference I feel now after achieving my 100 days, is that my obsessive thinking about not drinking and counting days has significantly diminished. Probably because I’ve reached my initial goal. I feel like I am living in the moment and just getting on with life in general more now.
Just a quick post to say, I had a fantastic weekend away with the family. Camping is hard work; how did I ever do it while drinking? I have never been so grateful for being sober as I was this past weekend.
Camping equates to. Late nights, sleeping on the floor and being woken at 4am by my daughter who assumed it was morning. Not to mention all the equipment you bring and the setting up of the tent etc. Phew. I tell you something though, it was the easiest camping I have done in years due to being sober. I slept better (what little sleep I had lol), my head wasn’t pounding in the morning, no middle of the night wee trips and no tripping over guide ropes drunk!
I’m feeling better since my last post. I am definitely bracing the future and not dwelling on the past. I have things good and if a memory from my past pops up to haunt me well, I’ll embrace it and remind myself of who I am now. Without all my alcohol related incidents, decisions, memories would I be the person I am now? Would I be able to marvel at how amazing being sober is? I doubt Normie’s even think about how amazing it is.
Could I heck get to sleep last night. All night I kept having memory flashes from my awkward teenage years.
I grew up in a happy, working class family. After doing well at school and college, I got a part time job when I was 16. Basically, I did all the things you should do during your teenage years BUT I also discovered alcohol.
I was 14 when I had my first alcoholic drink and I loved it. It felt daring and exciting. I felt grown up but above all I loved that buzz you got from it.
I had my last drink on March 31st 2016 so by the end of today I will be 3 months sober.
Even though 3 months isn’t a massive amount of time in the grand scheme of things. I do feel like I have come a long way since my Day 1. I’m starting to get to know myself better. Through all my sober firsts, I’m learning to live my life properly and deal with occasions and situations sober. It isn’t always easy but the more I do it the better equipped I feel the next time.
There’s not a lot happening in my world at the moment, I’m just happily plodding along. I’m sober and I’m happy.
One observation though. While doing the food shop this morning, I bypassed the wine aisle (no cravings) but I felt weird going up the beer aisle for some AF beer. I felt guilty like I was doing something wrong, like someone was going to jump out and shout ‘caught you!’