Well I did it. I successfully survived a night at my parents’ house sober. As I predicted within ten minutes of arriving, they offered me a drink. In the past I would have been so grateful and chuffed I was going to be drinking from 6pm, what a treat (not).
The weekend is just about here. I have organised going out for tea tonight with friends. I have protected myself though and already told them that I am taking the car and not drinking. These two friends are really good at getting the no drinking thing. They both drink (a lot sometimes) but they also understand the benefits of not drinking.
Well I knew it was too good to be true. When I stopped drinking 5 days ago, I was very focused on not drinking. I was definitely in the right mindset to stop. However, today I feel my resolve definitely wavering for the first time.
We’re going on holiday in less than two months and I caught myself fantasising about having a glass of wine in the sun. I had to remind myself that I don’t drink anymore. And there it was, that twist in my stomach, that gut wrenching “what never again?” panic.
I need to talk about my brain not switching off on a night time. All day yesterday I felt unfocused and not able to think straight. A few thoughts of alcohol had popped into my head but I think that was more habit than cravings at the moment. However, on a night time, boy does my brain come alive. Not in a stressed-out way, like when you’re worried about something but rather just random thoughts popping in and out, constant noise!
Well, I’m a newbie to this blogging world but after weeks of reading other people’s blogs and their journeys getting sober and more importantly staying sober, I think this could be what I need to do.
5 months ago, I gave up alcohol. Unfortunately, it only lasted 7 weeks. I stupidly thought I was cured; I’ll just be a social drinker now. How wrong I was… you see, when I drink, I cannot stop.