Category: 2019

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My Christmas Lull and Pressures of New Year’s Eve – Day 1367

Christmas. I love the idea of Christmas. Heart-warming movies, picking out our tree, meeting up with friends and family, big turkey dinner, I could go on. However, by half way through the holidays I always feel low. I call it the Christmas Lull.

It’s not that I don’t like all the things I’ve listed, I do. I just always get bored and scratchy around this time during the holidays. I always feel like I need to be ‘doing’ something. This is probably due to the sheer amount of lazing around I have done since Christmas day; the fact I cannot take the decorations down yet and I’m getting increasingly worried about the amount of Christmas chocolate my children are eating.

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Talking Helps and Christmas Countdown – Day 1339

1st December 2019 and thus starts the Christmas countdown.

I’m happy and not worrying too much about the Christmas festivities. In all honesty, I haven’t got a lot planned so far. The youngest is excited to have her advent calendar up and I’ve allowed her to start decorating her bedroom with old tinsel and a small tree. Our main Christmas decorations will wait until next weekend, I think. I like to spread the jobs out and enjoy the run up to Christmas, not be overburdened.

I’m feeling happy this weekend because I’ve managed to do 2 things:

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Patience – Day 1318

I’ve been trying to be more aware of when I should pause and listen and wait for the right time to speak. I often rush or try to juggle too many things at once. Like cooking tea while answering friends’ messages and helping the kids with homework. I think I am being efficient but I usually come off looking harassed; getting a bit stressed and definitely not giving people the attention they deserve.

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My Kids Inspire Me – Day 1297

I often take strength from my children. What I mean is, they inspire me to do the hard things in life. (hard for me anyway)

I’m not a morning person. I have got used to getting up early when I need too. For example, for work, poorly kids, early flights etc but I don’t like it. When I’m tired and I don’t want to get up, I think of my two kids, who get up every morning to go to school. They have no choice. They get up and they go and I often think – if I expect it of my kids then I should do it too.

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I Would Kick Ass in a Zombie Apocalypse – Day 1275

At the moment I am binge watching ‘The Walking Dead’ from the beginning. Yes, I know I’m 10 years behind everyone else. Better late than never eh. Anyway, I’m absolutely loving it and cannot help thinking I would truly kick ass and be one of the survivors myself if this happened in real life.

The main reason I think this, is because I’m sober! How many people do you think would run for the bottle; have a few beers to cope or shots to give them ‘Dutch Courage’? I know loads of people who would do just that. However, I do not think that would help them, but rather slow them down and cloud their judgement, don’t you?

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It’s Easier Sober – Day 1262

Sunday night, which means laundry, ironing uniforms, kids showers and last minute homework and bedtime stories to do. On Sunday’s I used to start drinking late afternoon and continue through to bedtime. It was my way of making Sunday night chores more ‘fun’.

I look back now and realise the reality was far from fun. I would run around trying to get everything done while quaffing wine. The wine would make me tired and I would resent all the jobs I had to do. I would be angry at my husband for not helping, even though I’d never ask him for help. I was such a martyr.

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Avoiding Overwhelm One Day at a Time – Day 1246

Good morning, I’m still anxious about going back to work on Monday but I am not letting my brain think past Monday. I’m keeping ‘in the moment’ as much as possible because that stops my brain future tripping and catastrophising. It reduces the anxiety and overwhelm I feel. Talking to Mr Mac has helped too.

Before my Day 1, I knew deep down that I should quit drinking alcohol. However, I found it very hard to start. As soon as I thought of quitting, my brain would jump to ‘forever.’ My brain would tell me that I won’t be able to do it, that I would fail. It argued that it would be too hard; that there are too many important things going on right now. The voice in my head would get louder and louder until I wouldn’t even try to quit.

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I Need to Talk More – Day 1236

After my post yesterday I went straight to bed and had a little cry. This morning wasn’t much better. My mood is still a mixture of overwhelm and anxiety without any real reason. Things I can usually cope with seem unbearable at times.

Your comments have helped, so thank you. I realise I need to give myself more time to get used to this new job (not something I wanted to hear but I realise it is true). I also need to learn how to talk to someone about how I’m feeling. I’m rubbish at talking about how I really feel, even with Mr Mac. The words “I’m fine” are out my mouth before I have a chance to articulate my real feelings.

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It’s Very Loud Inside My Head – Day 1235

Things haven’t felt right for a while.

After my panic attack at my old job, I got brave and made the decision to get a new job.  Getting a new job was the right thing to do because I hadn’t been happy at my old job for a while.

I was super proud of myself when I got my new job. I took the whole process slowly, knowing it would be a bit overwhelming. The first few months were definitely tough. I was prepared for that. What I wasn’t prepared for was to still feel overwhelmed and out of sorts 6 months on.

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