Out of Control – Day 1664

The last 2 months have been tough for me. I have got myself into an ugly situation with my eating. Mainly eating anything sweet; chocolate, biscuits, cake etc…

The last time I wrote here was nearly 2 months ago. In that entry I talked about wanting to lose my Lockdown Belly. The kids were going back to school and I was determined to start eating healthy. I was sick of scoffing biscuits and chocolate whenever I fancied. I’d gotten myself into a bad habit over lockdown and I wanted to change.

Well, in true Mrs Mac style I went all in. I’ve always been an all or nothing girl.

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Loneliness in Sobriety

It’s not uncommon to feel lonely during early sobriety or even years into sobriety. It was certainly the case with me. Loneliness is a negative emotion and can feel very isolating at times but remember there is a difference between being alone and loneliness.

I feel there are two main situations that can cause me to feel lonely.

  • Not talking to, or seeing friends and family very often or in a long while.
  • Being surrounded by people at a party or gathering, but I don’t feel I can relate to anyone there or I don’t feel understood, cared for, or heard.

I believe both these scenarios can cause loneliness as there is a lack of connection.

In early sobriety it is not uncommon to feel lonely. Think about it, you lose some drinking buddies, you don’t go to parties that may jeopardise your fragile early sobriety. You may have lost friends due to your previous drinking antics. You may not have anyone to confide in who understands your decision to quit drinking or you may be hold up at home getting your bearings, trying to figure out this whole sobriety thing. Whatever your reason for feeling lonely, I think this article can help.

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Managing My Emotions – Day 1502

Whilst being on lockdown I have been trying to put together a website. I have to admit it’s been hard and I have made many mistakes along the way. There have been times when I have wanted to pick up the laptop and hurl it across my office in an irrational display of rage.

When I come across something I cannot do and, its not obvious how to do it, I get really angry inside, then emotional. I just hate making mistakes.

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I Need to Talk More – Day 1236

After my post yesterday I went straight to bed and had a little cry. This morning wasn’t much better. My mood is still a mixture of overwhelm and anxiety without any real reason. Things I can usually cope with seem unbearable at times.

Your comments have helped, so thank you. I realise I need to give myself more time to get used to this new job (not something I wanted to hear but I realise it is true). I also need to learn how to talk to someone about how I’m feeling. I’m rubbish at talking about how I really feel, even with Mr Mac. The words “I’m fine” are out my mouth before I have a chance to articulate my real feelings.

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It’s Very Loud Inside My Head – Day 1235

Things haven’t felt right for a while.

After my panic attack at my old job, I got brave and made the decision to get a new job.  Getting a new job was the right thing to do because I hadn’t been happy at my old job for a while.

I was super proud of myself when I got my new job. I took the whole process slowly, knowing it would be a bit overwhelming. The first few months were definitely tough. I was prepared for that. What I wasn’t prepared for was to still feel overwhelmed and out of sorts 6 months on.

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New Job – Day 1047

It’s been a while. I was meant to do a post for my 1000 days which fell just around Christmas but things got busy. I’m still sober and still happy.

Mr Mac is nearing his 6 month sober mark and I am very proud of him. He has been listening to the ‘One Year No Beer’ podcast which has totally changed his thinking. His mind set has changed somewhat, and he doesn’t understand why anyone would choose to drink as he is more productive and happier sober. It is lovely to see but I am conscious not to link my sobriety to his. We are on two very different journeys.

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S.A.D – Day 711

Come on Spring, where are you? I am sure I suffer a little from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I’ve been up and down for the past few months. One minute, I want to be left alone; hibernate as I can hardly muster up the energy to do anything. Then the next minute I’m pissed off I never go anywhere or do anything fun! I cannot win eh!

My anxiety is pushing back. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by things that don’t usually bother me. Kids school commitments and finding a new hairdresser. Talk about first world problems.

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