Whilst being on lockdown I have been trying to put together a website. I have to admit it’s been hard and I have made many mistakes along the way. There have been times when I have wanted to pick up the laptop and hurl it across my office in an irrational display of rage.
When I come across something I cannot do and, its not obvious how to do it, I get really angry inside, then emotional. I just hate making mistakes.
I know it’s a massive overreaction to the problem in hand but it’s me, I am working on it. It’s just the first time in a long time, probably since giving up alcohol, that I am doing something difficult.
Trying to create this website definitely reminds me of early sobriety. In my early days of sobriety, it wasn’t uncommon for me to have emotional flare up’s. Especially while navigating a new sober situation, like a night out or a back-answering tween
Sometimes, I would get really angry (at god knows what) and start ruminating over an altercation I’d had with someone or I’d get really teary at the enormity of an up and coming social gathering. I learned in early sobriety that I had move through these emotions. It’s like the children’s book, We’re Going on a Bear Hunt. “We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we can’t go around it. We have to go through it”
In early sobriety, I learned to accept my emotions and let them pass. I learned to take a deep breath, go for a walk or god forbid, ask for help. (still not one of my strong points).
In just the same way, I am learning to accept my emotions while working on my website. It hasn’t been easy but the same tools; taking a deep breath, going for a walk or asking for help, definitely still work.
I know avoiding a situation simply because I might make a mistake is the biggest mistake of all. Therefore I will push on. I will make more mistakes before I am finished. I accept I will get angry and emotional while I learn all there is to know about building a website. However, I will manage these emotions with the tools I have acquired and I will achieve what I set out to achieve. One day at a time eh. x
Photo by Kyle Hanson on Unsplash.com