I’m still here and I’m still sober.
Today has been difficult. Work has been very stressful today. Instead of downing tools when the kids came home, like I usually do. I got fixated on finishing my job. I don’t know why, it just felt like I had to get it finished before I could relax. So, all evening between kids homework, cooking dinner and various bedtime’s, I have been dashing off to do a little bit more work.
It was like I couldn’t switch off until I had this job finished. I could have finished it tomorrow but then I knew I would be thinking about it all night. I’m like that sometimes. Once I’ve started a job, I do like to get it finished. In the past, if I could feel myself getting stressed like that, I’d have a drink. Having a few wines meant I wouldn’t care if the job got finished or not.
Today, instead of drinking wine, I ran my self ragged, trying to get everything done, so I could switch off. The amount of times I told myself just to leave it and I’ll finish it tomorrow but I knew I’d just play the job over and over in my head until it got done. I’m pleased I got the job done and I’m pleased I did not drink but I need to find a way of switching off in future.
People have often said that when you give up alcohol you have to learn to deal with life sober. I thought that was just how to cope with going out with friends and not drinking. I’m starting to realise what they mean now.
Here’s a few things so far that I know I need to learn:
• need to learn how to switch off.
• I need to learn to appreciate what’s going on around me more instead of always looking towards what needs to be done next.
• I need to learn how to cope better with ‘new’ anything. places, people, anything unknown.
• I need to learn how to carve out some me time.
• I need to learn how to live my life instead of just going through the motions waiting for stuff to happen.
That is just what I can think of while I’m sitting here typing, god knows what I’ll find out in the future.
Here are somethings I have learned since being sober:
• I am more patient and tolerant with my kids (and hubby)
• I have more empathy for people.
• I am a better friend (I actually organise catch ups and coffees now)
• Sleep helps everything.
• Alcohol helps nothing.
Well I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about tonight apart from have a whine about my day. It seems every time I start writing about one thing, I end up learning something about myself.
Well, I’m tired but at least I am calm. 11.10pm in the UK. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. x