Well I’m rubbish at posting at the moment. I don’t know why, if anything I should have posted sooner as I’ve been having some cravings lately. It’s just been fleeting thoughts of “wouldn’t a glass of wine be nice”. It’s really thrown me because I don’t want to have any wine. However, it still makes me question my sobriety and ‘forever’. I haven’t had thoughts like this for ages, so why now? and why so frequently?
I’ve let the fantasy of drinking wine linger, trying to work out what it is I really want and why I’m having these thoughts. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. Maybe I should just dismiss the thoughts as fast as they come? What I do know for certain is that when I think of wine, I still want to down the whole bottle and check out so to speak. I’m not kidding myself into thinking I can moderate here, that will never happen. I play the tape forward and always come to the conclusion it would be a very bad idea to have even just a sniff of alcohol.
Maybe I’m just having an attack of PAWS. I shouldn’t have waited so long to write about how I’m feeling; I think that’s dangerous. There is no place for complacency. I honestly don’t want to drink and don’t believe I will. However, it does put me on edge when I feel like this. It makes me worry that somehow drinking will sneak up on me. Before I’ve fully thought it through, I’ll end up with a glass of wine in my hand. Does that make sense? I’m not sure I’m explaining myself well at all.
Anyway, regardless, writing about it here helps, it gets it out of my head and that somehow gives the Wine Witch less power over me. I need to be honest and keep things real.
I’m happy. Being sober makes me happy. Simple. x
Mrs Mac