I have returned to work. The early mornings are not as bad as I thought. In fact I’m quite enjoying sneaking out the house before everyone is up. The drive is peaceful and a good time to prepare myself for the day ahead.
I’m conscious about staying positive and not letting myself get overwhelmed. At work I am taking the training and help on offer. This is something I would not have done in the past because I’d tell myself I should be able to handle everything. Work is going surprisingly well and I feel calm and proud of myself.
I know I will get bad days but I honestly believe that doing this sober is WAY easier than drunk or hungover. I was worried my old anxiety/depression would return but it hasn’t. It just goes to show that my anxiety/depression was all to do with the massive amount I was drinking and not work.
I did worry about returning to my old routine, where I used to drink, would be a trigger. I worried driving home from work, would trigger thoughts of wine and wanting to ‘check out’ at the end of a busy day. Well it hasn’t happened yet, so I don’t think it will.
I don’t think about drinking anymore at the end of the day. That awful wine o’clock that lasted from 3pm to 8pm, where I couldn’t stop thinking about a drink, has gone. It’s been gone for a while now but I couldn’t say when it left me.
I want to keep my calm feeling; I want to enjoy the challenges work presents; I want to continue to be compassionate and thoughtful. I want to live my life properly and I can only do that sober. x