Giving Myself Permission – Day 1533

One thing I know I need to work on is giving myself permission to do less or even nothing.

Yesterday, I was busy doing a few jobs around the house and home schooling the children. Oh, and I went for a jog. By 4.30pm I didn’t fancy doing anything else but it also felt wrong to just chill out and do nothing.

This stems back to when I used to drink and the kids were little and more demanding. I would always make sure the jobs were done and the kids were settled before I would relax with a drink. I did this for 2 reasons.

  • Justification. Making sure all the jobs were done first justified checking out with a bottle or two of wine.
  • Guilt. After my first few glasses of wine I knew I’d be no good for anything else. So attending to everyone else’s needs before I settled into my drinking, made me feel less guilty.

Even though I happily don’t drink anymore, I still retain the mindset that everyone else’s needs must be catered for, before my own. I cannot truly relax because I am constantly on standby. I spend a lot of time in limbo because I wont start a project or even a t.v. series in case someone needs me.

What is so silly about this, is that no one needs me as much as I think they do. My kids aren’t babies anymore. It is also self perpetuating. The more I do for other people, the more people expect of me.

I am learning that I don’t need to justify chilling out. I don’t need to worry about or even control what everyone else is doing before I can relax. If I want to watch that trashy Netflix series then I can, at anytime of the day. I give myself permission to relax guilt free.

So, for anyone out there who, like me, always waits for the perfect time to relax. Stop. Now. Self care should not be the thing which comes after everything else. It should not be the last thing on your ‘to do’ list. I give you permission to relax now. I give you permission to do less. x

Mrs Mac