Losing Count – Day 110 or 111

Life after 100 days is pretty good. There have been no fireworks or ‘Aha’ moments. Just more relaxed. Getting ready to write today I realised I didn’t know what day I was on. That was a first for me as I ALWAYS know what day I am on! I have obsessively aimed towards all my milestones. 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 60 days, 90 days and eventually to 100 days! The main difference I feel now after achieving my 100 days, is that my obsessive thinking about not drinking and counting days has significantly diminished. Probably because I’ve reached my initial goal. I feel like I am living in the moment and just getting on with life in general more now.

I know some people go back to drinking after 100 days. They have achieved their goal and quite rightly feel very proud of themselves. Some people also believe they must be ‘cured’ or can attempt moderation after such a length of abstinence. Not me, 100 days was my temporary goal as I could not think of ‘forever’ when I started out.

The further away I get from my drinking days the easier it is to consider ‘forever’. The cravings are better and I feel so much more equipped to deal with them when they do pop up. Each sober first is hard, really hard sometimes. But again, once I’ve got through it, the next time is so much easier. I know in my heart that moderation does not work for me. (I have tried many, many times.) Even now when I have a craving, I know I don’t just want a glass of wine, I want a bottle or more.

It’s good that things have calmed down. I don’t want to lose focus of my sobriety but I feel more at peace with it. My next goal will be my Soberversary. 1 April 2017. I want to experience all my sober firsts. Coming up next will be the kids 6 weeks holidays, new school year, birthdays, Halloween, Christmas, New year and everything else in between. x

Mrs Mac