The Lull – Day 273

There is always this lull between Christmas and New Year that I have never enjoyed. Where the excitement of Christmas has passed but the preparations for New Year’s Eve are yet to begin.

Christmas Day was great. Everyone came to mine and I cooked for 12 of us. It made being sober easier than expected because I was so busy. I was very protective of my sobriety this year because it was on Christmas Day night last year when I ended 6 weeks of sobriety with a bottle of red wine.

Last year, I thought after 6 weeks of sobriety I was okay to have a drink. I deserved it, I’d done the whole of Christmas Day sober and a few glasses wouldn’t hurt. Well that started a 4-month relapse. I drank every day, earlier and earlier. Hiding more and more bottles from my husband. I even started drinking vodka over wine. The speed at which my drinking escalated was scary and to think I thought drinking again would be okay. Pah!

This year, Christmas was spent sober. It didn’t bother me and it was lovely to have all my family around me. However, boxing day was another matter. Someone kindly (or not) left nearly a full bottle of wine in my fridge! I just kept staring at it. I started having thoughts of, “I’m not that bad. One drink won’t hurt”. I tell you, it was horrible. That pull to have a drink was so strong. I felt stuck.

On one hand I wanted to drink but on the other hand I couldn’t face going back to Day One. For 2 days this kept up. In the end my wonderful husband asked if he could pour it down the sink and instantly all the feelings went away. Why didn’t I just throw it away though? Why didn’t I blog about it? Or ring someone from my AA meetings? (Which are going okay so far)

I think I am not in charge of the alcoholic side of my brain at all. I’m grateful I didn’t drink and grateful to my husband for getting rid of it. I have had a very big wakeup call of just how easy we can fall back into the trap.


Mrs Mac