Well I knew it was too good to be true. When I stopped drinking 5 days ago, I was very focused on not drinking. I was definitely in the right mindset to stop. However, today I feel my resolve definitely wavering for the first time.
We’re going on holiday in less than two months and I caught myself fantasising about having a glass of wine in the sun. I had to remind myself that I don’t drink anymore. And there it was, that twist in my stomach, that gut wrenching “what never again?” panic.
It doesn’t help that its nearly 5pm, which is around the time I’d normally be opening that daily bottle of wine. I even started entertaining the idea that I could just drink on holiday, then stop again! Seriously! I need to give myself a slap! Have I forgotten so quickly that for me, once I start drinking, I don’ t stop?
Have I forgotten the months and months of wanting to stop and the guilt and shame when I couldn’t? Have I forgotten the amount of times I hid what I was drinking from my family and pretending everything was okay?
Jeeeez, what’s wrong with me! I knew the cravings would come and I know I just need get through it. I realise now how this blog is going to help me. Writing all this down helps me remember and focus on why I’m not drinking anymore.
It’s my way of venting and coping I think. I won’ t let myself trick myself into drinking again. If nothing else, having my rant on here has totally took my mind off wanting a drink haha, well I’m safe for another day x