Eating – Day 235

Can you EAT alcoholically? The reason I’m asking is because I’m wondering if I could be at risk of doing so or maybe already am. Over the past few months I have been exercising more and really enjoying it. However, l was disappointed that I hadn’t lost any weight. So, what have I done to help shift the pounds? Eat like a crazy lady, that’s what! Some days I feel motivated and neigh on starve myself. Other days, I sacrifice my dinner, so I can gorge on cheesecake and then hide the evidence. Then, like yesterday I felt so crappy I ate for England and then had a take-away! Which, not surprisingly made me feel crappier. What the heck has happened?

Does it sound familiar? I deserve the food because I’ve been good or had a bad day, etc. I may as well finish the cheesecake since I’ve started. Let’s hide the wrappers so it doesn’t look so bad. You could literally substitute the words, Food, Cheesecake and Wrappers all for Wine!

I’m properly telling on myself here because I cannot keep eating like this. I’m getting myself into a cycle of starving myself than binge eating. I didn’t even realise I was doing it at first. It’s only been 2 months but I know it’s not healthy, just like my drinking wasn’t healthy. I need to cut it out, eat sensibly, have a sweet treat if I want, but not binge on it.

I wrote a post back on day 140 about my sweet tooth and how I wanted to rein it in a bit. Well, here on day 235, three months later, I’ve got worse not better. I don’t feel like I need the sweet treats or take-aways to help my cravings anymore, I think I’ve just developed a REALLY bad habit which needs some attention. I hope that by telling on myself here, putting it all in writing and being more mindful, I will be able to take back control.

What a crazy journey sobriety is. x

Mrs Mac