Home – Day 64

I am back in England after having a wonderful family holiday in the sun. Did I drink? No! Was I tempted? Yes, at the beginning. Holidays and sunshine are definitely my biggest triggers. From walking through duty-free at the airport, the couple in front of me on the flight downing their G&T’s, to the complimentary bottle of red wine in our villa, it was just right in my face from the get go.

However, did it ruin my holiday? No. Did I get cravings? Yes. It usually started out with me feeling like I was missing out somehow, like not being able to drink meant I wasn’t having as good a time as I could be having or worse, I’d regret not drinking when I got home. Interestingly, these weird thoughts only popped into my head between 5pm and 7.30pm which, was my old wine o’clock time.

It struck me on day 3 of my holiday that the reason I was getting my old cravings back at wine o’clock was because this is a new sober first. Once I saw this for what it was, it got easier. I used my sober tool box as well. I would go and make myself a lemon and soda drink and head out for some early evening sun. I’d read a chapter of my book. I’d visualise what would happen if I did have a drink or 10, the disappointment, the hangover, the starting from day 1 again. I even indulged in some AF beer.

You may remember that I’ve always been a bit wary of AF beer in case it made me triggery and how some are not totally AF. Some simply say less than 1%. Well that’s not AF! Anyway, around day 3/4 I found some San Miguel Zero totally alcohol free and enjoyed one or two over the holiday. It felt like cheating a bit but I’d rather drink an AF beer any day than ruin my sobriety. It’s not something I’d buy at home and I still prefer my lime and soda or cranberry but it was good to have it on holiday.

I am so pleased I did not drink. I have no regrets and I do not feel like I have missed out, like my silly craving/ Wine Witch suggested. My holiday was great. It was fun and easy going. We did so much and I feel like I have had quality family time especially with my kids as they are growing up so fast. Alcohol would not have made my holiday better; it absolutely would have made it worse. x

Mrs Mac