I’ve been meaning to post for a few weeks now but haven’t. I’m not sure why because at the moment I keep thinking about drinking, so this is the perfect time to blog. Maybe it’s my booze brain conspiring against me.
I’m not seriously going to drink but I am definitely romanticising the idea more than usual. If I sit with the thought, I quickly come to the conclusion that it is a bad idea. I don’t want to go back to Day1. I don’t want to risk going back to being that person who hides bottles around the house. However, the idea of drinking keeps popping back into my head, like it wouldn’t be that bad. What’s going on?
How can I know I don’t want a drink yet keep thinking about drinking? Maybe not today but some point in the future. I just don’t get it. There isn’t even a time I can think of when I would have a drink. I don’t get cravings anymore, there is no more wine o’clock or must have beers in the sun. I’m happy with my AF beer and soft drinks. So why am I keep fantasising about drinking in the future?
I know it should be one day at a time and each day I wake up and think, not today. Maybe that is enough. However, relapse happens in the head waaaaaay before it happens for real. So, I guess I’m just telling on myself here and hopefully my drinking fantasies will go away because that’s what it is, a fantasy.
I think I will go and re-examine my sober tools. I’ve dropped an exercise class lately and I am eating way too much chocolate at the moment, which doesn’t help. My mother in law has become seriously ill which is hard for us all but mostly for my husband. Work is fine but the novelty of going back to work has worn off a bit now.
At least I’ve blogged today. x