I Need to Talk More – Day 1236

After my post yesterday I went straight to bed and had a little cry. This morning wasn’t much better. My mood is still a mixture of overwhelm and anxiety without any real reason. Things I can usually cope with seem unbearable at times.

Your comments have helped, so thank you. I realise I need to give myself more time to get used to this new job (not something I wanted to hear but I realise it is true). I also need to learn how to talk to someone about how I’m feeling. I’m rubbish at talking about how I really feel, even with Mr Mac. The words “I’m fine” are out my mouth before I have a chance to articulate my real feelings.

I saw my doctor today; I wasn’t planning to say anything about how I was feeling but I broke down in tears the second she politely asked how I was! Mortified, doesn’t cover it. I was sobbing so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. Cringe.

Once I got control of myself and realised the Doctor hadn’t ran away. We came to the conclusion that I have a pretty good toolbox for coping with things generally but a change in job is a big deal. I have to give myself time and I need to talk to someone. She seemed genuinely surprised I didn’t talk to anyone when I feel like this. I explained that I’m the one everyone else goes to to talk lol,

In 2 weeks, the kids go back to school and I return to work. I am going to practice talking to Mr Mac or perhaps my sister about how I really feel sometime and try not to be too hard on myself if I cry or sound a pathetic loser. I am also going to blog here more ‘cos I cannot keep this all in my head forever.

Still learning to use my tools. x

Mrs Mac