What Next? – Day 91

I had my last drink on March 31st 2016 so by the end of today I will be 3 months sober.

Even though 3 months isn’t a massive amount of time in the grand scheme of things. I do feel like I have come a long way since my Day 1. I’m starting to get to know myself better. Through all my sober firsts, I’m learning to live my life properly and deal with occasions and situations sober. It isn’t always easy but the more I do it the better equipped I feel the next time.

Like cravings, they still come (though not as regularly) but I can sit with them, acknowledge them and then dismiss them. It is hard sometimes. I will even revert back to eating chocolate and going to bed early, if it gets too much. However, I will not drink no matter how hard it gets because I know once I get through it, I will feel more empowered.

The thing I probably struggle with now is a loss of fun/excitement….. something. I know drinking wasn’t exciting. You can hardly call downing a bottle of wine and vodka every night on my own exciting. So, I don’t mean I ‘lost’ excitement from my life when I quit drinking. I think I have just sobered up and realised my life isn’t that exciting and there’s room for more.

Don’t get me wrong my life is great, it truly is. I love my family dearly, financially we’re okay, hubby is super busy with work, which he enjoys. The kids are happy and both thriving at school. I work part time from home so I can be there for everyone, so what is it? What’s missing? I feel like there is now room in my life to do more, be more. I feel like I’ve got all this new time and energy and I’m going to burst if I don’t do something with it. Unfortunately, I just don’t know what. Certainly not drinking!!

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’ve just had a great weekend with the family, funfair with the kids, rare meal and cinema night with hubby and it was all exciting and fun and sober and I loved it. Maybe I just need to do more of this… maybe I had a glimpse at what life is turning into and I want more, now! (stamps foot like a spoilt child).

Maybe the pink cloud moment I was having at the weekend has burst and I should quit feeling blah and have courage and just do more, do something instead of just whinging about it or maybe I should chill out and see where my new sober life takes me.

Regardless of how I’m feeling right now, I’ve never been more happy and proud to be 3 months sober x

Mrs Mac